For the Health of It

Good morning friends! Thank you all for the birthday wishes Also, a special thank you to all of the new visitors who stopped by from Julie’s blog – I’m already mulling over my “seven things” list!

Yesterday called for what every birthday calls for – hefty servings of cake, chocolates and ice cream. Somehow, my sweet tooth was still in full force this morning!

My love for sweets my never change, but my preference in breakfasts can go from one product to the next in the blink of an eye!

I based this morning’s yogurt mess on a new-to-me peach soy yogurt from Whole Soy and Company. I topped the vegan yogurt with fresh peaches, organic walnuts, chia seeds and goji berries.

There was the perfect bit of every texture – some crunch, some chew, and a whole lotta creaminess!

Now if I could just find that leftover cake…

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How to Deal with Backhanded Compliments

Even if you’re a thick-skinned person by nature…certain words sting.

Some of these words are intended to hurt, but most of them are offhanded remarks that simply weren’t thought through before they were spoken. Either way, these blunt comments can be hard to hear.

“She’s got some meat on her bones…but I think it’s sexy.”

“Your article was fantastic, considering it was your first attempt at the assignment.”

“She’s a great player – for a girl!”

Backhanded compliments are almost worse than a simple insult. An insult can instantly make you angry, but a sly remark can eat at you over time. We know better than to take these comments at face value, but as we analyze the remark, we start to question whether they really are true.

Most unintentional insults bring a woman face to face with her insecurities. Even the most confident and secure woman can be sent into a tailspin when her image, intelligence, competence or personality are attacked. Worse yet is when the insult comes on the heels of encouragement, which makes the statement even more personal. The power of words is so much greater than we assume!

Just like with a straight-up insult, resentment can start to brew if you harbor these words. Without properly responding to these thoughtless statements, you can harbor a lot of resentment for the person who tore you down after they built you up. I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to deal with is a hefty dose of negativity floating around in my mind!

So how can you respond to backhanded compliments instead of just dropping your mouth in disbelief of the lack of tact some people seem to possess?

Fight the urge to retaliate. Regardless of how old or mature you are, there’s always going to be a quick impulse to lash out in response. It’s human nature to defend ourselves by deflecting the negativity towards someone else! Even though turning the cattiness around can seem vindicating, it never helped matters in middle school, and it won’t help anything as an adult.

Address it. I’ve got a bad habit of withdrawing and getting extremely quiet when I’m hurt. Not speaking up as often as I should has resulted in a lot of silent sulking in the past – and I can’t say that any of it was productive! I’ve learned that I can’t keep quiet and still expect others to understand that they did something that bothered me.

If someone makes a comment – intentional or otherwise – that insults or offends you, speak up! If the words were spoken inadvertently, letting the friend know that their humor was out of line can help them be more mindful of future comments – to you and to others. If the backhanded compliment was intended to be hurtful, you need to make it clear that you don’t tolerate that kind of communication. This can seem difficult if you’re non-confrontational, but setting boundaries and standing up for yourself gets easier with practice!

Refuse to harbor it. It’s so easy to lose precious hours wallowing in the aftermath of a petty comment. I’ve wasted hours working myself up over a ridiculous jab that wasn’t worth a single second of my time. Personal slams can easily make you question whether you’re good enough, and they’re incredibly hard to let go of once you start mulling over the words and trying to put meaning behind them.

Don’t play the words over and over in your head. Don’t entertain the five different connotations the comment might have had. Breathe in, shake it off, breathe out…and refuse to mull over it any further. Growing a thick skin is easier said than done, but deciding that the comment is purely insignificant in the grand scheme of things can help you let it go.

Do something to re-boost your self-esteem. At the end of the day, you are the only one who can make you feel better – or worse – about who you are. No comment – negative OR positive – can permanently change your perception of yourself.

If you’re reeling from a backhanded compliment, throw yourself into a favorite activity that you know makes you feel happy with who you are. Go volunteer at a charity that coincides with your personal passions, bust butt on a great workout or chat up a kind-hearted friend that always makes you smile.

You are the only one whose opinion matters. So you’re not model-skinny or making a franchise quarterback’s salary. Who cares? You’re doing the best you can, you’re making yourself the best person you can be, and everything else is out of your hands. Frankly, if someone thinks I’m not the best cook or the prettiest girl they’ve ever seen…that’s cool by me. I am who I am, I do what I can, and if that’s not good enough…

Tough shit.

How do you handle backhanded compliments? What do you do to take the sting out of someone else’s words?